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"I hate her, I hate my mother. She left my Dad and myself when we had nothing!" Aurora sobbed menacingly. Michael, her fiance was rather speechless.
Michael opened his mouth to say something, but only the breeze came in and out. He hugged his fiancee tight. It stung his heart to see her cry; what was he to do?
Their wedding invite was being dispersed to several dignitaries. Aurora's father kicked the bucket the previous month, the family held a private burial two weeks later. Her wedding plan was already in motion when her father succumbed to cancer as he wasn't responding to treatment. When he was on his last legs, he admonished them to see the wedding plans through, with or without him.
Now, Michael politely suggested Aurora should let go of her grudge for her mother and reconnect, especially if her mum's sorry.
"Don't mention her! Don't mention her again! Let this be the last I hear of her okay?"
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ORATOR:
The Root of Every Conflict Is Pain
Conflict invites bitterness, repulsion, and sometimes a desire for vengeance.
Where two or three gather, conflict often slips in unnoticed. It exists everywhere: in families, friendships, workplaces, and marriages. The real question is: How do you manage it?
Aurora: A Case in Point
She believes her mother abandoned her in a season of hardship, leaving her in the care of a father who worked tirelessly to secure her future. Each moment of distress added another layer to her resentment. Over time, that tiny seed of hurt grew into a towering monument of pain.
Pain expresses itself in three major forms:
1. Hatred & Anger
2. Despair
3. Growth
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1. Hatred & Anger
Pain is a sophisticated emotion, numbing and afflicting all at once. It makes a person restless, unsettled, and uncertain. When pain partners with displeasure, it often emerges as anger or hatred.
A husband whose wife cheats doesn’t usually start by crying. Many first feel the sting of betrayal.
“Jealousy is the rage of a man,” they say.
If the pain remains unresolved, anger hardens into hatred.
When I lost my father, I felt angry. Every reminder of him triggered that familiar sting. That was how I managed the pain. through dismissal, not acceptance.
When a man is repeatedly rejected by a woman he loves, the pain turns to frustration… and sometimes resentment, especially when he sees her living a joyful life with someone else.
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2. Despair
Despair is the loss of hope. Deep, consuming brokenness.
Pain births despair.
Losing a job, losing a loved one, facing rejection, betrayal, or disappointment. All these experiences can plunge a person into darkness. Conflict, fear, and hurt are threads woven into the fabric of despair.
But they all trace back to one source: pain.
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3. Growth
Growth is the transformation of pain into strength.
You can choose to wallow, to cling to bitterness, to break under the weight of hurt…
Or you can choose to rise—like the phoenix—reborn from the ashes.
Use your pain.
Maybe you’re at odds with your family. Maybe your childhood was rough. Maybe you expected more love, more support, more care, but received less. So you withdrew. You felt offended, and you vowed to cut ties forever.
But here is the truth:
Forgiveness is the doorway to growth, and acceptance is the signpost.
When you release resentment, you free yourself. You stretch your wings and fly. But when you hold onto bitterness, it becomes a weight heavier than any dumbbell.
I struggled deeply with forgiveness as a young adult. I could nurse a grudge for years. Then one day, while flipping through Scripture, something shifted. I learned to let go.
Now, my heart heals quickly. I choose to see the good in people. What happened?
I grew.
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Choose Love Over Pride
Don’t let pride rob you of the love and connection you deserve.
If people knew better, they would act better. It’s okay to set boundaries when disrespected, but don’t imprison yourself with resentment.
Understand the situation. Learn the lesson. Let your heart remain tender.
Resolve conflicts peacefully. Let your love and care remain sincere, that is how families grow stronger.
Pick up the phone and make the call.
Release the tears you’ve been holding.
Give them a second chance… a third, a fourth… even a hundredth.
That is love.
And love never goes unrewarded. People always respond to it.
You, your dad, your mum, your siblings…
It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past. You can embrace each other’s scars, forgive the wounds, and become,
'One Big Happy Family.'
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