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They say, “Don’t marry who you love; marry who you’re compatible with.”
I beg to differ. Don’t marry someone you can live with; marry someone you can’t live without. Someone who inspires you to be better. Someone who makes you eager to come home every day. Someone who makes getting out of bed nearly impossible because being close to them feels like peace. Someone you forgive easily… and who forgives you just as easily. If they don’t, let them go. Love isn’t selfish.
Many people who marry only for “compatibility” still end up in divorce because they struggle to meet the emotional and personal demands. Often, they don’t even know what to do. They are taught, but they can’t abide. But when you truly love someone, you become a pupil of your conscience. The urges come naturally. The urge to protect, to guide, to forgive, to listen, to provide, to share, to pursue intimacy without ceasing, and to fix what is broken.
Most people act cold or unbothered simply because they do not care. Imagine doing that to someone you can’t live without; impossible.
Some people even witch-hunt others, hunting for flaws in a potential spouse as though they themselves are perfect. Imagine a man hiring a private investigator to monitor a woman he wants to marry: bugging her house, hacking her emails, tracking her social media to count how many men she talks to. Whatever you are looking for, you will surely find, my guy.
How can a man propose to a woman yet abandon her for months, starve her of attention, then send security agents to monitor her “faithfulness”? And he—is he faithful?
God in His perfection says we should not put Him to the test. So why provoke someone you claim to love? Some men even send their friends to sexually harass a woman just to see if she will resist. What you love, you protect.
You wouldn’t bring tractors to ram your five-hundred-million-naira house just to test its strength… nor ask your friend to drive your SUV off a bridge to test its durability. Foolishness.
When God tests humans, it is not because He needs to know anything, it is to help us discover our own capacity and become stronger.
People are not perfect, but love fills in the loopholes.
You are sleeping with your wife’s sister, yet when you discover she has gone on dates with other men, you become furious. Again, whatever you look for, you will find. Now suddenly you claim you’re no longer “compatible” because you thought she was loyal.
You want to marry a virgin, are you a virgin? Virgins want to marry virgins.
It is love that makes a woman forgive infidelity.
It is love that makes a man forgive disrespect and disloyalty. Because after you both separate, you can’t sleep, and she can’t focus. Every other man irritates her, while you search for her charisma in every other woman. Impossible.
It is love that makes you pick up the phone and say “I’m sorry,” even when you are not wrong, because your ego cannot soothe your bleeding heart.
When choosing a spouse, yes, love is essential, but the most important virtue is the willingness to learn, to repent, and to say “I’m sorry.”
Your “Mr. Compatible” may be full of ego and capable of going one week without speaking to you. He wants you to suffer so you “won’t disrespect him again” by speaking your mind.
Choose someone who prioritizes your well-being above his wounded pride. Someone who thinks, “Is she okay? I hope she’s not too hard on herself.”
Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
You may have a horrible fart, but you still love yourself and remain on the toilet seat until you’re done.
You may have body odor, yet you still love yourself.
You may have bow legs, yet you still buy yourself fancy shoes.
You may have bad dentition, but you still laugh boldly.
So stop witch-hunting others.
Marry someone kind and understanding. You may not be perfect or flawless, but in love, you can grow, heal, and become 'One Big Happy Family.'
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