Adongo is a 36 year old Kenyan woman with 4 kids. She is a traditional woman who has been married for 16 years. In her part of the country, the women are loving and devoted to their husbands. Such has been the likes of Adongo.
She stood by the kitchen sink lost in thoughts, but her eyes were fixed on the water faucet. She looked worried, she looked lost.
Being the bread winner of her family was overwhelming. She worked as a local chef, her husband a commercial driver. She knew he had enough money to supply three square meals, or support the children's school fees, but she needed to understand why he never helped with anything...
All the weight on her, no support from him. Not a dime, not a penny.
He would wake up early, and come back late at night when his kids were fast asleep.
In her early twenties, she had always believed in him and supported him. Believing him to be a hard working man whose timing was a little bit ahead.
She bought his visions, and held onto his dreams, dreams of being one of the biggest spare parts supplier in Kenya.
She didn't understand why he would later on leave the burden of provision for her alone, when all she tried to do was support him.
"Leave him and his children, you are still young and beautiful!" Her friend would often chime.
"Adongo, did I not tell you not to marry that man?" Her mother would gently reprimand.
Adongo believed money isn't everything, she believed in love and hard work. She believed side by side they could build an empire. She believed in him, so what went wrong?
In their 16 years of marriage, not once had she raised her voice at him. She would only confide in his parents who are now very distant as well.
"Mummy! The water is overflowing!" One of her children called her back to reality.
"Goodness gracious!" She exclaimed... She quickly turned off the tap as she was done with the dishes.
She looked over at her kids on the dinning table. They looked tattered, their clothes not ironed, hair rough and skin dry. Tears welled up in her eyes. Isn't it her responsibility to make her kids look healthy and well kept? But how could she when she was taking on another's responsibility?
She slowly walked into the bedroom she shared with her husband. Feeling tired, she melted on the mattress. She sobbed uncontrollably... Where did she go wrong? This is not the life she planned for her kids... How could her husband repay her like this? How's, why's, and the rest of the questions kept coming in.
Orator:
What is the problem here?
If the family is the building, then the centre of gravity is the Father. The centre of gravity is the point that holds the whole structure of a building. It balances the weight against gravity. Take out this COG and everything crumbles. That's what it means to be the head! Take the hand off the body, it can manage. Take a leg, a kidney, the body would keep fighting alright? But take the head off and boom the body is lifeless, it dies.
It's terrifying seeing some women happily wanting to be single mothers.
"Oh! Just give me babies, you don't have to take responsibility, I have enough money to care for my kids."
Do you know what it means to raise a kid without a father? Most of the females become sexually loose, most times the men become irresponsible,unable to care for themselves and others around them.
No child deserves single parenting. It's cruel.
A man's responsibility is basically to provide, to lead, to secure, protect, direct. To instill discipline and boundaries, that's territorial! That's what it means to be responsible. If he's any less, don't marry him, don't pick him, because your home would be in jeopardy. Then that love would be replaced by anguish and sorrow. He may be good looking, he may be well spoken, he may be humourous and intelligent, tall, mind blowing, but if he doesn't have a sense of responsibility, be on your heels.
Control your feelings, and rationalize.
So what can be done about Adongo? Because sadly, this is the reality of a couple of mothers.
He needs punishment, by you? No. Let him know how unimpressed you are, he may still love you to want to seat up, otherwise report him to someone who can call him to order. His relatives, senior colleagues, religious leaders...
Don't be quiet about it. That is one of the advantages of legal marriage, you could address him with the law! Sad but true.
Above all, pray. Pray over your home, and strive to defend the future of your kids. Find out what your husband's problem is from himself and his friends. It may not seem possible, but you can all be "ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY!"
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