The story of Naomi started with Illegitimate childbirth. >
It progressed to Single Parenting; >
Emotional Abuse; Narcissism, Avoidance, Gaslighting >
values II.
Naomi went to her mother’s. She went to see her son. He was withdrawn and kept asking, “Where is Daddy?” Naomi didn’t know what to do. She asked her mother:
“Mama, Frank hasn’t called?”
“Your husband? He only called once, but he hasn’t visited.”
“Whose husband? Please, he’s not my husband.”
“Then why were you living with him? Why did you give him three good years of your life? Cooking for him, taking care of him, warming his bed? Is this what I taught you?”
“Mama, please… this is not the time for this.”
“You’ve always been very stubborn, and you’ve always had a mind of your own. As you make your bed, so you lie on it.”
Naomi said she was going to give her son a change of clothing and excused herself. She started sobbing. She was fully convinced of her decision this time.
If Frank didn’t step up and lead; if he didn’t decide to change, to be a better father to their son, and to fulfill the demands she placed—she would let him go. She had always been the one taking the lead: making decisions, resolving conflicts, always being the one to say, “I’m sorry” in the last three years. She loved him that much. She was just the placeholder. She had the mindset that she was building her home and had already given him everything she would give her husband, because she assumed that’s where they were heading.
She remained at her mother’s, silently praying like before (when he found their son), he’d walk through the door and call her name. He’d hold her hand and apologize, and say he was ready to fix things. That day never came. She decided that it was worth the risk. If he ever loved her, or cared for her, or valued her, he’d let go of his ego and his dubiousness, and he’d step into his masculinity and make things work. But no, he never did.
Many days she was on the verge of dialing his number, but she remembered all the abuse and why she had left in the first place. She cried every night and morning, imagining what the next lady looked like. Did she satisfy him? Was she more beautiful? And most importantly, did he love her?
Her questions were answered when she saw on someone’s WhatsApp that Frank was getting married. She called the person and pretended not to know Frank too well.
She learned it was a lady he’d met three months ago, and he was going to do an introduction after proposing the previous day.
Looking at the engagement videos, she recognized the lady. She’d seen her picture on his phone. It was one of the girls he was messing around with.
That fateful Sunday, he had refused her from going with him to church. He said he had to meet up with a client. But he was going out with one of the ladies from his church. She stayed back at home because she had gotten so clingy. She said if they didn’t go to church together and sit together, she wouldn’t go at all. He ignored her. She knew what he was up to, but she played dumb to give him “peace of mind.” Yet, when he got back home, she ran to him and hugged him.
He seemed happy, but she could feel the energy of the other lady all over him. He started cringing whenever she tried to touch him. Did he kiss her? Did he touch her? Did he take her to a hotel? Naomi’s mind was unsettled—different thoughts combating within. She checked his phone and saw horrible things.
She kept cooking his favorite meals, but she was crumbling inside. She was breaking down. She chose to love him unconditionally, to never hold on to his flaws. She chose to ignore, to turn a blind eye, telling herself she was his home, his peace; the others were temporary—he’d get tired. But now she stared at the engagement videos.
“After everything I’ve done? My sacrifices?” she whimpered.
“Goddddd! Ehhhh, Goddddd! Where do I start from? Frank, whyyyy? Why did you ever come back? I thought you were gone for good? Jesus, save me. I’m dying, oohhh. Jesus, save me!” Naomi threw herself on the floor and started wailing.
Her mother rushed into the room.
“Ah, my daughter… why are you shouting? You know it’s not good for my health.” Her mother realized she was crying.
“Naomi, what is the matter? Why are you crying and rolling on the floor?”
“Mama, Frank is getting married, ohhh!”
“Wow, finally. Congratulations to both of you. God, I thank you.” She eyed her unscrupulously. She sensed trouble but chose to believe it wasn’t what she was thinking.
“Mama, it’s not to me, ooo. He’s getting married to a lady he just met, oooo.” Naomi kept rolling on the floor. Her green maternity gown got stained.
“Jesus!” Naomi’s mother threw her clothes on the floor and stood naked.
“Frank, it shall not be well with you!” She started swearing.
Naomi quickly sat up. She paused. “Ehn?” She queried her mother, her eyes looking defensive.
“Frank, you shall know no peace. The pain and sorrow you’ve inflicted on my only child, the fruit of my womb, shall be multiplied on you ten times.” Naomi’s mother was furious as she stood naked.
“Mama, please… I still love him. Don’t swear for him.” Naomi clung to her mother’s leg and started begging.
As her mother was cursing him, she was blessing him.
“Frank, you won’t have children in that marriage!”
“God, please let him be happy… even if it’s not with me, let him have peace of mind!”
“Frank, anything you touch will not prosper!”
“God, please bless the father of my son so he can give him a bright future!”
“Frank, that your wife would cheat on you on your matrimonial bed!”
Naomi was about to counter, then she paused and looked up at her mother from the floor she was sitting on. “Ameennn! Ameennn! Ameenn!”
“You will never see a good woman like my daughter! You’ll only see adulteresses!”
“Ameennn! Ameenn! Ameenn!” Naomi nodded her head vehemently.
“Frankkkk, Frankkkk, Frankkkk, God will judge you.” The knees of Naomi’s mother gave way, and she joined her daughter on the floor. Mother and daughter wailing.
The child born into such instability, chaos, and turbulence stood by the doorpost. He hated seeing his mother cry. His jaw was tight, but he said nothing. He just looked.
***
Frank was watching a movie with his fiancée when notifications popped up—videos. The lady’s eyes caught a glimpse of it. She read his body language. He was nervous and quickly swiped.
“Baby, please, can you get me water? I’m choking,” she asked.
“Okay,” he stood up.
He wasn’t comfortable with her sending him on errands, but he did it anyway. She was very rude, commanding, and not accommodating at all. She never allowed his friends to visit. She demanded they manage their finances together; he couldn’t buy anything without her knowledge. He couldn’t dare sleep out, and he didn’t even have time to chase other ladies. She’d seduce him but claim she was on celibacy to keep him hooked, triggered, obsessed.
She asked for large sums of money from him and would get angry whenever he attempted to say no. She was draining him financially.
When he was still dating her, she’d text other men right in his presence. As they were wrapping up their date, someone else would come pick her up. When he confronted her—
“As you can see, my fingers are empty. What is girlfriend? A woman is either married or single, so don’t ask me stupid questions,” she retorted.
Another time he spoke up.
She responded, “Marry me, Frank, or get away. As you can see, I’m young and beautiful. I am the prize. If you don’t buy my market, someone else will. No man would waste my time.”
That’s how he got a ring from Boz Jewelry, Osapa—@BOZ official IG. An 18-karat gold ring. He proposed to her. To him, he was killing two birds with one stone. He’d make sure the news got to Naomi, to amplify her woes and bend her strong will. She’d be desperate and would always allow him to have his way with her whenever he found her. Secondly, he could keep his newfound sweetheart, who was his match.
He returned with the water and was greeted with a hot slap. She tossed his phone at him. “Why is she sending you nudes?”
“What are you saying?! Nobody sent me anything!”
“Open your phone.”
He picked up his phone, wondering how she got through his password. He saw one of his girlfriends whom he had been ignoring; she had gotten so desperate and had sent him a fine display of art. Even in the heat of the moment, he swallowed as his body reacted to the sight.
“Are you so shameless? What do you have to say for yourself?”
He found her really scary. “Babe… it’s something men of my caliber have to deal with. Women always send us enticing videos.”
She laughed. She laughed harder, and he soon joined her.
“And what did you save her contact with? ‘Chioma Body Banger.’ Tell me, Frank, do I look stupid?” She was stern.
“Uh, babe…” He racked his head but couldn’t come up with anything, as the image he saw on his phone was seriously messing with his mind.
“Cat got your tongue?”
She pulled the ring off her finger and tossed it on the floor. “We are done. If you can’t own up to your actions—can’t be responsible, honest, and admit your errors—you’re a boy. I don’t want to tie myself to a boy. I want a man. It’s over between us. Good thing I have none of my belongings in your house.” She walked out.
He chased after her, but she scratched him with her nails. He watched her pull out of the parking lot.
“You can’t just leave based on assumptions,” he growled.
“I know men like you, sweetheart. You don’t change. What I know I can’t live with, I won’t take it from the start. You’d only get worse after marriage. It’s easier to walk away from the beginning so you don’t get the chance to ruin me. I’ll still end up leaving someday; the difference is the time you would have wasted.” She sped off immediately the security opened the gate.
He went back inside the house, picked up the ring, stared at it for a few seconds, then pulled his phone from his pocket. He texted “Chioma Body Banger.”
“Where are you?”
Naomi was drying clothes on the rope when she heard a honk outside the gate. Who could it be? Her mother didn’t have visitors at this time of the day. She and her mother now lived in a different neighborhood, courtesy of Frank.
The honk continued. She reached for her phone to ask her mother if she was expecting visitors. She opened it and saw her previous search bar displayed on the screen: “body enhancement procedures to keep a man.”
She felt Frank had a very high sex appeal and that she wasn’t satisfying him properly. She thought of ways to enhance her breasts and make them perkier. She was very slim and straight. Perhaps if she could get lighter in complexion and thicker, he’d find her irreplaceable. She also searched for the best liposuction doctor in Abuja and was ready to go under the knife. Perhaps if she looked hotter, Frank would stay with her and wouldn’t need to look at other women.
Her mother came out and stood on the staircase.
“Who is that?” she asked.
“Good afternoon, Mama. I was just about to come and ask you if you are expecting any visitors. Our neighbors are out of the country. Mama, are you done selecting the design for our restaurant?”
“My dear, I was sleeping. I was just going through them. I’m not expecting anybody—just the plumber. Let the gateman open the gate.” Her mother shouted to the gateman to open the gate.
The gateman opened the gate, and a red Lexus RX 350, 2022 model, entered the compound. The plumber stepped out of the car.
“Good afternoon, madam. My brother came to my house, so I said let him come and drop me and wait for me to finish with my work,” he greeted and headed inside.
“Good afternoon, sir,” Naomi greeted the handsome man seated piously behind the steering.
His eyes were gawking malignantly. “Good afternoon. You are very beautiful,” he complimented—not in a friendly way—but even Naomi couldn’t decipher his expression. He started chatting with her while Naomi’s mother kept the plumber busy.
The man was dark-skinned and had a clean stubble. He was wickedly handsome and smelled like trouble.
Just then, the gate opened again, and a fanfare with trumpets, saxophones, and drums entered the compound. Behind them was none other than Frank.
Naomi felt mixed emotions. She was happy yet upset. She was confused about what the fanfare was about. Her birthday was five months ahead. She involuntarily stepped back from the Lexus, her face buttered with a scowl.
Frank walked up to her. He handed her a bunch of flowers as he pecked her cheek. She was too weak to put up an act. She mustered the courage to ask, “Frank, what are you doing here?”
“Who is this man?” he asked jealously.
“That is the least of your problems. What are you doing here?” Naomi asked. “And what’s all this flamboyance?”
“I have a right to know about the men you bring around my son,” he grimaced.
“Your son? Did the day just break in your city? You haven’t even visited him all this while.”
Just then, Naomi’s mother and the plumber stepped out to witness the fanfare. If looks could kill, Naomi’s mother’s eyes would sabotage Frank.
“Well, I’m here now, Naomi. I’m back for you, and I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Naomi,” he said and started searching his pocket.
Naomi was speechless. He had never told her “I love you” since day one—not in university, not in Abuja, not in this life, not even in her dreams.
He went down on one knee and brought out a ring. “Marry me. Be the mother of all my kids.”
“Oh my God!” She laughed. Tears filled her eyes instantly. “But why? Like, how? I thought—”
“Shhhh…” He silenced her. “I’ve discarded all the others. It’s going to be just us. I want to keep my promise to you for a lifetime.”
As she stretched out her fingers to say yes, ignoring her mother’s disapproval, she recognized the ring. It was the same ring he’d used to propose to the girl she’d seen on WhatsApp.
***
ORATOR:
Any man who makes you compete for him belongs in the trash bin, or better still, crown him—he’s a princess.
A real man doesn’t make you jealous of other women; he makes other women jealous of you.
A man ought to bring purpose, intention, and clarity. Mind games are for boys.
A lot of chaos is self-woven when we refuse to listen to instructions and imbibe sound doctrines handed over by our elders, leaders, and mentors. Guard instructions; they are your life.
The girl child is slowly losing her value in the modern age as she sweeps under the rug her ingredients to cook lasting marital meals. A lot of young ladies are either Naomi at this point or have once been Naomi.
It’s either peer pressure or lack of self-control, or disobedience, greed, lust, naivety, and ignorance that pushes a lot of individuals out of their values.
Values are principles or standards of behavior. When we lose these values, our individual worth isn’t as high. But holding on to these values makes you a rare commodity.
Indecency and immorality only attract; they don’t keep. It’s the values that sustain—your boundaries, your ability to say “no,” to stand out from the masses, to not conform to what everyone else terms “normal.”
What would make a promising gentleman want to mess ladies up? He doesn’t have his own values. He’s lawless, untamed, wild—even some religious folks. They pray, they fast, but they lack values.
Values stem from home training. But sadly, most parents were too busy searching for means of sustenance to educate and teach their children.
Examine yourself. You can be better. You can be decent, disciplined, obedient to instructions. You can set boundaries. Would you be the lady who closed her legs (the fiancée) or the pleaser (Naomi)? Even if you are in Naomi’s shoes, it’s not too late to make a U-turn.
If he doesn’t have marriage in mind and doesn’t meet the requisites of the kind of husband you want, cut him off. Be tough. When a man is coming, ask him, “What do you want?” If he can’t answer in a matter of days, there’s no need for him to use the back door—let him turn back.
Why are you messing ladies up? You’ll have a daughter one day. Some girls inherit generational curses because of the sins of their fathers. They can’t marry; they can’t have children because their fathers were cursed many years back. Do you want your daughter to be like that?
The girl you put in your house with no plan of marriage—she’s someone’s favorite child. Let her go. Be honest with her.
You want to have sex? Get a wife. You want to have sex but aren’t ready for marriage? Discipline yourself. If you can’t, there’s a harem. You and the sex workers would face the consequences of your actions. But don’t deceive a woman for your satisfaction. These things never go unpunished. There’s always a day of reckoning.
Don’t ever tamper with your body to please a man. If there’s something you want to change, do it for you—and don’t deceive yourself that it’s for you when you’re only seeking approval.
Seductresses don’t always get the best men. The day they get tired of putting in the work, everything crumbles. Would you rather fight to keep a man, or let him win you?
Values consist of Principles, Morals, And Standards.
Your principle could be: “I don’t sleep out.” Even if you do, you won’t do anything nasty. Under our parents’ roof, we’re given a curfew time—some 6:00 p.m., some 8:00 p.m. It’s not wrong if you have yours. It would help you. And even if you break it sometimes, you stick with it other times.
Your standards could be: I can’t let any man pass the night in my house. I can’t be in a situationship. I can’t have sex before marriage. You fight to stick to it.
Your morals could be: I don’t tell lies. I don’t steal. I don’t accept bribes. I don’t smoke or drink. I don’t cheat, etc.
You stick to it, come what may. A lot of people suffer in life because they don’t have values. If your parents handed none to you, search for the areas you’re lacking and add values to yourself, which you’d eventually pass on to your children.
You don’t just feed children daily and pay their fees; you inculcate values.
Values bring peace to a home, and they make the home “One Big Happy Family.”
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